valentines tell-all & what i wore

what the?

julie reminded me how much i hated valentine's day in 2012.  i'll admit that the day is hard for me, but not for the reasons laid out in most romantic comedies.

it's just.

a) fake and cheap, b) a huge pain in the butt, c) expensive.  i feel like i have to fabricate emotion or something, and i'm really prone to angst around things that seem inauthentic.

well, today was good!

floral couch dress from boulder, utah.

first of all, i wore this kind of ugly but very valentines-esque dress.  i got it in boulder, utah on a field trip with students.  one of my teenaged boy students wrinkled his nose and said, "it looks like a couch."  it does!  which is why i fell for it.  that and the fact that it was handmade by a woman in boulder from re-purposed vintage fabric.  it usually just sits in my closet, but i decided to try to be festive like julie and wear something for the holiday.

secondly, i started on some anti-depressants.  some might find my confession to be TMI, or possibly deleterious in future job interviews, or embarrassing, but really, people, we need to talk about this stuff.  i used to be so embarrassed about my flaws.  i'm trying to own them, accept them, & love them now.

the black dog bit me, and i need medicine to heal it.  i've been through this before, and i've been lucky that medication has been so helpful for me.  i don't love taking it, but it really helps.  i'm trying a new kind, called vibryd. evoking the idea that i will soon be super vibrant again, perhaps preternaturally so.

i forgot about him for a second.

thirdly, i have this really amazing friend.  she's sort of a goddess/witch/pioneer/muse/and my lady valentine.  yesterday she called me while i was commuting home, exhausted and sad and barely able to keep my eyes open on account of fatigue and tears.  she said, "stop by on your way home."  so i did.  she handed me this e.e. cummings book with her own marginalia and a vintage full-length silver fox coat.  i said, "how did you know?"  she said, "because jesus is real."

i guess i have to accept the coat on account of the fact that jesus told my valentine to give it to me. & it will get passed along to another lady going through hard times some day, down the road.

happy valentine's day!  read e.e. cummings!

xxoo

9. by e.e. cummings

there are so many tictoc clocks everywhere telling people what toctic time it is for tictic instance five toc minutes toc past six tic Spring is not regulated and does not get out of order nor do its hands a little jerking move over numbers slowly we do not wind it up it has no weights springs wheels inside of its slender self no indeed dear nothing of the kind. (So,when kiss Spring comes we'll kiss each kiss other on kiss the kiss lips because tic clocks toc don't make a toctic difference to kisskiss you and to kiss me)

vintage fur, friday list, date night

vintage fur & laundry in the background.

1. i found this camel coat with fur trim, thrifted from seattle's value village years ago, buried in the back of my closet.  i was also given a gift certificate for a vintage fur item from decades in salt lake city.  i need to get up there and pick it out.  do people feel okay about vintage fur over new fur?

2. friday yoga.  i forced myself out of the house and into the snow, knowing i would ultimately be glad i did.  it was a great class, and i was warm, finally from the exertion.  also, i got to practice next to & have a little gossip session with artist & sandwich aficionado josh graham before class.  it reminded me of how much i miss being at walden this year, and how much i hope sandwich boy will come up with a new post for us soon.

new dress.

3. date night.  i was warm enough from yoga to wear my new dress.  we went to bombay house, thinking that the hearty, spicy food would be perfect for tonight.  it was.

4.  christian's watching another in a series of '80's no wave films--unmade beds (actually, this one was made in '76, and features debbie harry).  dude has an attention span.  i both enjoy and am annoyed by those films and their studied naivete.  maybe it's just embarrassing because i remember how stunningly moved i was by works such as, say, jean paul sartre's nausea.  or maybe i turn out to be more of a nineties girl.

5.  completed all lesson plans and handouts for classes next week.  paid bills, did laundry (ingrid folded & put away), started my "apartment" therapy--the january cure-- & got totally overwhelmed, did some housework and organizing.  enough to get me by for a time.  no writing today.  i might try to do a little before bed tonight.