finishing the manuscript

from the holiday card we never sent.  i love the colors, and these two finished manuscripts.

i started this project the gentian weaves & her fringes, a collection of poems using material from emily dickinson, in 2008.  it seems to take five years for me to finish a larger project--and not because i'm not spending enough time on it daily, but i need that much time for conscious and unconscious forces to do their work.

like other projects i've finished of this same scale, i thought it was finished after two years, but it really, really wasn't.

i need a lot of time away from things to figure out what they need to do.  it really doesn't seem like it's up to me. it really doesn't seem that, if i had worked on nothing but this project for a year,  crammed all five years of work into a single year, it would have had the same outcome.  at all.

so, so, so   ::::    i think i'm really done!  i'm sure i'll do a few more tweaks.  but for now, i'm gonna do as my dear husband recommends and freeze the design.

finding a publisher for a work like this is at least another year's worth of work. 

now i can move on to something new.

yay!

as (one of) my (many) therapist(s) said: you love beginnings.  you need to learn to make middles more fun.  it's true!  what i just did was a middle of sort.  it won't really be done until the book is published, and i feel proud for getting through the stills.

i need to celebrate.  this is the first completed new year's resolution of 2013.

what should i do?

here's the table of contents.  i think it  looks pretty cool, and will look even cooler in a real book:

 

a sudden (((bright coin)))........ 8

ambuscade of clover........ 9

angels babble........ 10

beetle’s ordination........ 13

buttercups rannunculae........ 15

chartered (((from my otter’s window)))........ 17

(((daffodils))) :: (((my blondines)))::........ 19

declined day—phantom’s bare & groping feet........ 20

((dim)) & unsuspected tenderness........ 21

eyes—little trees—........ 24

& favorite tints........ 26

gaunt swimmers ransomed........ 29

globe—bashful—humming........ 30

(((green cartiers)))—........ 31

*(((hoard of gems)))........ 33

(((   i died)))........ 35

i gather idle (((bumble-bees)))........ 36

jointed—........ 38

king’s fork........ 40

lost—the stolid bee........ 42

my tree........ 44

(((moth-star dropt))) last night &........ 45

night hid her throes:........ 47

(((o))) heart-sodden &........ 49

our antiquary ransacks august........ 50

pare this apple........ 52

& pauper’s slit &........ 53

(((parceled))) in yellow tulle—........ 54

peeps onto that sleeping egg........ 55

quivering—........ 57

ragged phoebes (((tremor)))........ 59

rapt: morning::........ 60

:: rouge november—........ 61

september’s escutcheon........ 63

snow falls april (across the altar)........ 64

the child is a small ear........ 67

the (((timbral))) flickers—........ 69

this (((broily))) day........ 70

***throng of acorns........ 71

unfrequented & august........ 73

vane turns in zephyret........ 75

we have slendered ourselves........ 77

window’s anodyne does not fail—........ 78

extacy &&&&&........ 80

yclept........ 82

zinnia?........ 84

BookExpo America: A Carnival of Eros, and I Don't Care Who Knows It

What I brought back from BEA on my bike

Just got back from my first day of 2012 BEA.  If I were more of a player in the publishing scene I would be at a slew of parties right now like my friend at Booklist, but alas, I'm a lowly librarian.  I always think the vendors like the booksellers and bloggers more than the do me, someone who might just be ordering one copy of their book.  

But the fact that I'm a librarian gets me in and I get a discount, so I take full advantage.  This year I did what I always do, circulate among the booths and pick up catalogs for collection development, pick up advanced readers copies (YA I give to Z's teachers).  I stand in line for book signings.  Today I got Carol Miller to sign her memoir Up All Night.  I had Francine Prose sign her new YA novel, and for Lara, I got Tracy K. Smith--the Pulitzer Prize winning poet--to sign her collection Life on Mars.  (Lara, I'll put in it the mail next week, unless you really hate Tracy K. Smith.)  One of the things I love about BEA is that I discover stuff I didn't know would be there:  like today, I rounded a corner and whoa, there's Tracy K. Smith signing without a line.  (Last year, this happened to me with the poet, Kay Ryan.)

Another thing I love at BEA is that the top of the heap--literary prize winners, university presses, behemoth houses--rubs shoulders with the liminal residers of the book world:  wacky independent publishers,  and the most marginal self-publishing types.  (Also, Scientology Publications and romance powerhouse Harlequin are perennials.)  Case in point:  adjacent to Francine Prose's signing booth was this dude Darab Lawyer (co-author--Clinton Libby) hawking his new age thriller Sun of Apollo.  (He was literally begging people to take his free book, but I couldn't carry anything more.)

The fact that writers were meeting readers, that books were finding an audience in this bland really hard -to-get-to convention center was deeply touching and very exciting to me.  And that's why my post has this decidedly corny title.  (Don't worry--it won't be the title of my self-published book.)

Sad to miss:  Angie Bowie (David's ex)--didn't see her on the schedule I looked at, but apparently she was there.  This is her forthcoming book.

Tomorrow:  I have a full agenda including:  Ann Beattie, Patti Smith chatting with Neil Young, Lois Lowry, Richard Ford

Had to take off during "The Ongoing Evolution of YA Fiction" panel 

Legendary NYC DJ Carol Miller signs her memoir Up All Night

Legendary scribe Barbara Kingsolver explains the Pen/Bellwether Prize she bestows

Out in the World

At McNally Jackson, new mag, new notebook

1. I have one story out at three different places right now.  Compared to Lara, that's like saying I have no stories in no places, but compared to my year ago today, this is huge.
2. It's nice to have stories out--to be in the place where you are still waiting to hear.
3. I applied for a job today.
4. I now have three cvs out in the world.
5. I went to the dentist.  
6. I have laundry in the building laundry room although it's 11:00 pm and there is an after 10:00 pm laundry ban.  
7. I'm almost done with the 5th-grade yearbook.

Looking forward to:  Lara's posts from Seattle

Legwear:  None, although I went into the store our last guest blogger mentioned last Monday.

Inspiration:  Other people's notebooks