back to school

from <the god fugitive: a moby dick puppet opera>

it feels soooo good.

i love the fresh start of (anticipating) september with all its possibilities, and my perennial optimism that THIS will be the year i become the person i really am.  (as in : : : the girl who gets good grades and exercises and is on time and finishes projects and stops watching so many shows on netflix. . . and finishes her moby dick puppet opera and finds a great job. . .  .)

it's much better than new year's because you're all tanned and rested and excited for regularity and schedules and the sublime mundane.

so, fresh start. or as my kids call it, "my new leafishly way." (they have weird made-up grammar and syntax and words.)

here's a long list of things i'd like to do in my writing and creative life.  it surely won't all get done this fall, or maybe ever, but i feel pretty sure that some of it will come to completion by 2015.

1)  finish book edits on poetry collection, <the lapidary's nosegay>.

2) submit <tln> for publication.

3) write monthly installments of moby dick puppet opera.

4) work on moby poems daily.

5) finish screenplay (not gonna talk about this.  no jinxy.)

6) finish poem for a wonderful publication that asked me to write for them a long time ago but i couldn't get it together until now.

7) finish lyrical essay for another wonderful publication that i've never written for before.

8) apply for writer's residency/retreat.

9) start research on t.v. series.

10) practice voice and violin daily.

tomorrow i'll post my short list--what i'd like to do tomorrow, by the end of the week and by the end of the month.

p.s. here's installment one of the god fugitive.

week-y

from the christmas card that never got sent. 50 of them are sitting right next to me as we speak.

i'm in one of those agoraphobic, anhedonistic moods:  don't want to get up, do work, talk to anyone, leave the house, etc. 

i try to resist getting too deep into this mode.

i already told you about s.o.l.e.

next week i need to focus on some really specific goals and getting back into the routine of the practices that keep my own personal black, panting dog at bay.

so here's the plan:

1) yoga on tuesday, thursday, & friday.

2) meeting with special collections librarian on thursday to work on my mapping salt lake city project.

3) work on two poetry commissions. finish one of them!  (it's already late.)

4) meet with committee chair.

5) submit poems to ten places.


what are your plans for the week?

how do you keep the black dog at bay?

feelings

allison janney, the only celeb i really cared about.  photo by lorri vodi rupard.

coming down from 10 days of crazy juggling--between the kids & house, teaching & school, film screenings, press events, & review writing,  i let my little blog go.

& i'm feeling a bit blue.

& i missed you.

i had many thoughts, feelings (or "feeleens" as it's pronounced in utah), and epiphanies.  but i've grown wary of my epiphanies.  because when the epiphanic moment wears off, it's a huge, huge bummer, and i feel like a fool for having believed it.

i think i'll share any way.  because really, dear readers, sometimes i can't distinguish between true inspiration, too much caffeine, or my daily bipolaresque roller coaster ride of emotions.  maybe you can help me sort it out.  maybe writing it here, for the little portion of the world that visits me in cyberspace to examine, will help me know when to

as kenny rogers so eloquently put it:

know when to hold 'em

know when to fold 'em

know when to walk away

& know when to run.

so here are the Most Important thoughts and feelings i had as a result of attending sundance:

1)  writers need to learn how to create characters, need to do better at fleshing out rather than creating types or making corrective statements to the world with their so-called characters.  also, the absence of smiling or happiness does not = profundity.

2)  filmmakers need better writers.  i saw really superb acting, cinematography and even better editing skillz in practice, but without a good writer, you're screwed.

3) (here's the part you need to help me with--am i just totally delusional and manic right now?)  10 films in 20 years.  i have a plan.  woody allenesque.  come up with a modest budget that i can sustain and fund every two years, a style of filmmaking that looks great even without $$$, and a guerilla film company that is locavore in nature, but maxivore in impact.

4)  filmmaking for social change.  something different from redford's approach, not that his isn't great and super important, but a new angle on it.  something to do with open source, something to do with positive and real work by women.

5) will the high adrenaline, complex multi-tasking and hat wearing, and mix of visual, aural, language, and action of film making, if i am lucky and smart enough to do it, be enough to keep me happy for 20 years?

80's dresses, weekly writing goals

thrifted 80's dress reminds me of grandma eva.

ingrid thrifted this dress for me two summers ago.  i wore it once, to emily's rehearsal dinner, and then never again.  i love it, but am conflicted about it.  you see (let me school you a little on the 80's), back then, this was the kind of dress that my grandma eva, who had mad style, wore to bridge club, ladies' luncheons, and church.

not that it's not totally rad, but back then i was a confused sartorial and musical mixture of punk, new wave, and mod.  as actualized by a classical violin-playing introvert.

as confused as any gal growing up in the barren cultural landscape of mesa, arizona in the eighties.  with a bunch of jocks and metal heads.  has a right to be.

after watching the amazing documentary, everyday sunshine, about fishbone, who i saw live in tempe, arizona in 1986, i got some clarity on the idea of outsider-ness.  i was able to heal a little bit and wear the dress to church on sunday, despite the fact that my largely imaginary '80's mod peers would not have approved.

with ankle boots, tights, and slouchy socks.  just like in the 80's, and still a little bit confused.

this week, my writing goals are tiny and specific:

1)  consider new titles for gentian
2) do another copy edit of gentian
3) fix acknowledgements page of gentian
4) begin revising non-fiction piece for 1/25 deadline

i really wonder what everyone else wore in the 80's, or what you would have worn had you been born yet. . . .

pink on pink on pink: a manuscript

dress thrifted from downtown s.l.c. deseret industries, tights from orem target, earrings h&m,  doc marten boots thrifted from provo deseret industries.

cold & dark.

hard to stay optimistic in january, no?

but things are good.  i have nothing whatsoever to be sad about right now.

still.

sometimes that dark thing just takes over.  that black dog chasing you.

but ingrid's party outfit made me happy for a minute or two tonight--pink earrings, dress, and tights.  & the fact that there's a fun party of young people living it up out there somewhere, even whilst i'm home on a saturday night in my flannel nightgown.

&

should be happy that--

i did fulfill my writing goals this week:

1) write X and Y poems for gentian manuscript--check
2) make copy edits in document--check
3) print out draft of mss. to bring to writer's group--check

additionally, i changed the font from times new roman to perpetua.  i think it's an improvement.

speaking of fonts, what's your favorite?

i think i'm a little font-challenged.  or at least i've been told as much--too many years of enforcing stupid MLA style in the classroom.

i have just a few more things to do on the gentian manuscript, including finding a new title for it, before it's ready to send out.

Day Two

S gave me my new Xmas Moleskin.   Can't stop thinking "foreskin."  Sorry.

Slow, soft start to '13's projects.   Like Lara, I'm hoping that being daily honest on the blog will be motivating.

1.  Reworked a story I want to send out this week.  But I don't know if I've made it better or worse.
2.  Good vibes on the other thing I'm working on--the thing with the end-of-Feb deadline--although did not allow enough time.
3.  Sent out nothing; made no queries.
4.  Worked on a student's incomplete from Fall '12.

Nice day, though, for my soft start.  A good clear light and brisk.  Sending better skies to Lara.

mommy's back-to-school outfit

julie selected the dress for me online.  i tried to make it work and weather appropriate.

the good thing about teaching is that you get two back-to-school outfits a year, a fall and a winter selection.

readers, it's hell out there.  eleven degrees, air like pea soup--my eyes, ears, throat, chest and nose are itching, burning and watering.  and i'm not sick.  people who don't live here think that the worst thing about living here is the mormons.  it's definitely not.  the people who do live here will tell you:  it's the very air you breathe.  we're trying to get by until wednesday, when a storm will hopefully clean out the muck.  pray for us.

so with all the heavy, cold air out there, i awoke feeling, as aretha says, "so uninspired," with no idea what to wear.  this is what i came up with.  i'm not saying that it's the most amazing outfit in the world, but this:  you haven't beaten me into submission yet, soul sucking pollution.  i'm standing, and i'm wearing an outfit, complete with earrings, cowboy boots, and lipstick.

one more thing:  i'm really inspired by julie's specific goals for writing this week.  i hope she won't mind if i copy her and put this week's writing goals down for bloggerly accountability:

1) write X and Y poems for gentian.
2) make copy edits in gentian document (i've already done the edits by hand)
3) print out draft of complete edited gentian manuscript to bring to writer's group on thursday.

(i've had a goal to do these three things for months now.  let's see if putting it on the blog motivates me to get it done this week.)

anyone else out there have goals for the week?