ingrid marie at 22: a brief history

22nd birthday twirl.

twenty-two years ago, i gave birth to a unicorn named ingrid.

ingrid, day 2.

this child has known her own heart & mind from her first day on earth, when she wanted to sleep in her own bassinet, and let me know with great certainty that she did not want me to sing twinkle, twinkle little star to her when she was sleepy.

ingrid's first of many international trips, funded via the limerick.

she knew she wanted to travel with her school on international trips, and that she would have to earn her own funds in order to go;  that's what she did, selling limericks, chocolate and greeting cards door to door, spotted from time to time in a vintage '70's prom dress by various friends and neighbors who would start out, "i think i saw your daughter. . . . "  i could always just interrupt at that point and say, "yes--that was ingrid."

ingrid, 2014 bryn mawr college graduate.

she knew she wanted to attend bryn mawr college when she saw some like it hot at the age of thirteen, and that's what she did.

ingrid receiving aclu scholarship.

she knew her high school peers deserved better sex education when she was a lowly tenth grader, and she worked towards that.

she knew that everyone should be treated equally, and she has fought for lgbtq rights from the time she was in middle school.

ingrid with bff gloria steinhem.

she knows that women need stronger rights and protections, and she works hard every day to make that happen.

president of the beekeeping club/bee activist.

philly keystone pipeline action.

she knew that bees and mountains needed protection, and she has worked to protect them.

the wings.

she watched simon schama's the history of art in high school and decided to study art history.  this was solidified during her exchange year in high school when she got to visit florence with our dear family friends and see the bernini marbles for the first time.  our friends reported the unforgettable sight of ingrid, wearing angel wings, surrounded by tourists in the streets of florence.  if you know ingrid, this won't surprise you.

missionary girl. 

ingrid has always wanted to serve a mission for the mormon church, and tomorrow, on the day after her 22nd birthday, she'll report for duty.  i know, as is her wont, she'll trail cupcake sprinkles & lipstick kiss marks in her wake as she accompanies seekers on difficult and joyous spiritual and physical journeys.

my girl is a rare creature, and as i send her off into the arms of the great world, i ask the world now to embrace her & keep her safe, as she has always tried to watch over the unprotected in her midst.

DIY or DIE

ingrid saying good-bye to her midnight swimming pool.

besides visiting the magical campus of bryn mawr college and seeing my otherworldly honey-girl ingrid graduate from her dream school in a vintage rabbit fur hood handed down over the past 125 years of bryn mawr's history, i came away from my visit to philly with some real inspiration.

you may recall my last post, in which i was floundering, restless & depressed.

well, i'm feeling quite a bit better, due, not in small part, to having a vision of a more radical way of life & doing things.

a must read.  craig dworkin, et al.

i'm committing to a year of DIY.

philadelphia magic gardens

after seeing the philadelphia magic gardens

the bride stripped bare of her bachelors, even (the green box)

marcel duchamp's green box.

the rehearsal space for the arkestra in germantown. 

and the rehearsal house for sun ra's arkestra, where they self-produced their work on saturn records,

i spent the drive from philly back to jfk thinking about how i need to break out of the system of literary journals and contests that is not really meeting my needs as an artist--i'm spending more money than i make on submission fees, more time on applications and submission than on writing, and mostly getting a lukewarm to no reception.  i believe in my work, and do everything i can to make things that are new, not vain repetitions of the past,  that are true to my own visions, impulses, beliefs, and love of the tactile world, but that doesn't seem to be enough for any kind of mass institutional embrace.

no biggie.

i just need to get braver and strike out on my own, where i generally do my best work anyway. 

my new year starts here.

may to may.

no more asking to be admitted. 

lds/eqat fast for mountaintop justice

ingrid at a mountain top removal protest in west virginia.

i've long been inspired by ingrid's commitment to action for change.  this sunday she organized a fast in solidarity with eqat and the people of west virginia to bring an end to mountain top removal coal mining.

a few thoughts came to my mind as i participated in today's fast:

1) why is fasting effective?  in the mormon tradition, we fast once a month and give the money we would have spent on meals to feed the hungry.  it's a very pragmatic approach with a direct correlation between going hungry and feeding the hungry.  mormons also fast for miracles and guidance:  for inspiration to make a tough decision, for a cure to illness or sorrow, or on behalf of others they know are suffering.  in other traditions, fasting can call attention to an injustice, or be an act of devotion towards god.  i kept thinking of claims i've heard while practicing yoga, that the practice of yoga makes one a more peaceful person, therefore rippling peace out into the world.  i thought about how fasting changes the individual participant, and the power of collective fasting. this ghandi quote came to mind: The only devils in this world are those running around in our own hearts, and that is where all our battles should be fought.

2) miracles.  sometimes i feel discouraged about the ability of my actions to create change in the world.  oftentimes i give up. i read these words about fasting in the lds hymnal today, and felt inspired about the act of witnessing, gathering, and believing in miracles:  as witnesses, we gather here to thank and to attest, of mercies and of miracles. . . feed thou our souls, fill thou our hearts, and bless our fast we pray.

3) i thought about something i saw on a protest video against coal-top mining.  in it, some locals descried the participation of "outsiders" coming to protest an issue in their community.  i could see how it would feel weird.  on the other hand, when people tell you not to speak because you're an "outsider," you have to start wondering what's going on with "insiders", and why they are resistant to transparency.  two quotes came to mind, first, the famous quote from martin luther king, jr.: injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. and also this quote from judy bonds, the so-called godmother of mountain top removal activism who said: if coal is so good for us hillbillies, then why are we so poor?  (also, bonds is a shero of mine.  she found herself in mid-life and accomplished a tremendous work before her untimely death.)

i've been inspired by ingrid's example, and by hearing about the work of eqat, and also renewed today in my commitment to fasting.

pink on pink on pink: a manuscript

dress thrifted from downtown s.l.c. deseret industries, tights from orem target, earrings h&m,  doc marten boots thrifted from provo deseret industries.

cold & dark.

hard to stay optimistic in january, no?

but things are good.  i have nothing whatsoever to be sad about right now.

still.

sometimes that dark thing just takes over.  that black dog chasing you.

but ingrid's party outfit made me happy for a minute or two tonight--pink earrings, dress, and tights.  & the fact that there's a fun party of young people living it up out there somewhere, even whilst i'm home on a saturday night in my flannel nightgown.

&

should be happy that--

i did fulfill my writing goals this week:

1) write X and Y poems for gentian manuscript--check
2) make copy edits in document--check
3) print out draft of mss. to bring to writer's group--check

additionally, i changed the font from times new roman to perpetua.  i think it's an improvement.

speaking of fonts, what's your favorite?

i think i'm a little font-challenged.  or at least i've been told as much--too many years of enforcing stupid MLA style in the classroom.

i have just a few more things to do on the gentian manuscript, including finding a new title for it, before it's ready to send out.

treat queen

every day is a surprise with ingy home.

one of the best things about christmas is having ingrid home.  she makes everything more fun, sparkly, festive, and happy.  she really seems to have a handle on happiness.

and on the fact that cake makes everything better.

i haven't been to seattle's icon grill for years, but i remember the towering texas sheet cake with the frosty little bottle of whole milk on the side.  now they have a new towering cake, the candy cane cake, and ingrid suggested we make it over the holidays.

so she put on her fluffy apron and baked it up for us & served it at the locust salon.  thanks ingy, for cake, ruffles, lipstick, hilarious quips, and helping me keep perspective through baking.

no plans for new year's eve?  bake up a towering cake to serve to someone you love.

icon grill's candy cane cake.

Icon Grill Candy Cane Cake

You will need to make each element of the cake before putting it all together.

White Chocolate Cake

2 oz white chocolate
2 egg whites
1/3 cup plus 2 tbsp milk
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup plus 2 tbsp sifted cake flour
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 tbsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
4 tbsp unsalted butter

Melt white chocolate in a small glass or metal bowl over a pan of slow boiling water. Set aside to cool. Whip butter with sugar until fluffy with an electric mixer. Add vanilla and mix thoroughly. Sift together flour, baking power and salt in another bowl. Mix egg and combine on slow speed. Add half the milk mixture and combine on slow speed. Scrape the bottom of the bowl with a spatula. Add the remaining dry and wet ingredients separately. Do not over mix. Slowly add in the melted white chocolate while the mixture is running. Place the batter into one 9" buttered and floured cake pan. Bake in a 300° oven for 25-35 minutes or until a cake tester comes out clean. Place on a cooling rack.

Red Velvet Cake
1 cup buttermilk
1-1/4 cup sifted cake flour
3 tbsp red food coloring
1 tsp cocoa powder
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp salt
2 eggs
1-1/2 cups sugar
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp white vinegar

Mix vinegar and baking soda and let settle. Cream together butter and sugar until fluffy, scraping down the sides of the bowl thoroughly. Add one egg at a time, allowing each addition to mix completely before adding the next. Add cocoa, salt and vanilla and beat until fluffy. Alternately beat in flour and buttermilk. Fold in vinegar mixture at the end. Pour batter into one 9" buttered and floured cake pan and bake at 300° for 40-45 minutes. Rotate cake as necessary, cooking until a cake tester can be removed clean.

Peppermint Cream Cheese Frosting
1 lb cream cheese
1/2 lb unsalted butter
2 lb powdered sugar

Beat butter and cream cheese in an electric mixer until light and fluffy. Scrape the sides of the bowl well. Begin adding the powered sugar on low speed, mixing thoroughly before the next addition. Finish by adding the peppermint extract and whipping for 10 minutes on high speed.

Peppermint Simple Syrup
1/2 cup boiling water
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup peppermint schnapps

Pour boiling water over sugar and schnapps and mix until sugar is dissolved. Cool completely.

Putting it all together
1/2 cup crushed peppermint candies
Mint leaves
Maraschino cherries

Cool both cake layers thoroughly and cut each horizontally into 3 equal sized plates, for a total of six layers. (If this seems daunting, try cutting each layer in half to make two equal-sized plates for a total of four. A finished four-layer cake will still look great.) Place a layer on a serving platter and lightly brush with the peppermint simple syrup. Frost, repeat for all layers and frost the outside of the cake. Garnish with mint leaf and stemmed maraschino cherries for a holly-like effect.

full draft

i finished a draft of my first paper of the semester.  so much anxiety, now gone!  it's so scary to write a critical paper after years away from the critical paper racket.  i sat on my bed all day in my nightgown, only going out to get our traditional saturday morning donuts (one chocolate frosted with sprinkles, two cherry turnovers, and a pecan sticky bun) and then in the afternoon for a fish taco from beto's with c., eaten in the car on the way home.

i forgot to eat dinner, so i'm making some popcorn now to celebrate the completion of the draft.

i also missed the neighborhood halloween parties tonight, one of which i've attended every year since we moved her ten years ago.  that party has a disco ball, strobe lights, and club music, and it's pretty much the one time a year i dance any more.  sad.  ingrid suggested i dress as isabella stewart gardener, one of john singer sargent's portrait subjects, and that c. go as john singer sargent.

alas, we are lame in the costume department.  one of these years i'll get my act together.  it's all i can do to see that the kids are outfitted.  i have to live vicariously through ingrid, who was dali parton this year. pictures to come.  last year she was babraham lincoln.  she's a halloween genius.

i'm sad i missed the parties, but so freakin' relieved to have pumped out that draft that i hardly have room for a second emotion.

legwear:  bare plus footie socks

inspiration: letitia landon, puffery, and phantasmagoria

looking forward to: brunch with a dear, dear friend

on one

christian says i'm on one tonight.  he might be right. my mind is rushing, and i went through about 15 rants during our date night, even in our relaxing patio dinner at tarahumara in midway, watching the sky darken and the mountains turn into silhouettes.  even though we had driven through a stunning red-leafed provo canyon on the way to dinner.  even though i had gotten a goodly amount of work done today and should have been relaxed.

two things i can't wait to rant about at length and in great detail are this utterly horrid looking anti-public school movie,

and malick's portrayal of women in tree of life, which i saw again, in real film on a big screen two weeks ago.

oh, wait, i guess that should be "woman" since there is only one.

and since she has no name, and can't talk to another woman (since there is no other woman, and therefore the other non-woman can't have a name either).

(this means tree of life fails the bechdel test.) (most movies do.)

(ingrid interviewed allison bechdel yesterday for the bryn mawr college news & wrote this rad article for them on coming out as mormon in the shadow of romney.)

don't know why i've been feeling so rant-y lately.  so look forward to some more rants here in the coming week or two.

Woody and Me

Leaving for the woods tomorrow.

I rarely leave New York, so it's freaky.

I'll try and blog if I can, but I know no one will miss me given the fact I co-blog with one of the most brilliant women on the planet.

Also, Ingrid up tomorrow!  Is this her last August guest post?  I think it is.   :-(

overwhelmed list

bottom half of new profile picture.  i love that c. still wears creepers and slim pants after all these years.

i was feeling uber-overwhelmed this week on account of next week, when all hell breaks loose in my life.  julie wisely told me i could only put three things on my list today.  i took her advice and had a simple list:  1) yoga, 2)  syllabi creation, and 3) composing an email i've been procrastinating.  i did all three things, plus a few fun, non-stressful things.

i'm learning that it's smart to DO LESS when you're overwhelmed.  because then you realize you really don't have to get everything done.  it won't kill you.  & you might even learn to cut out some extra crap on your agenda that you really don't need.

here's my friday list:

1) wrote morning pages on back porch, eating my favorite childhood breakfast:  a toasted cheese sandwich broiled until bubbly and brown, topped with tomato, mayo, salt & pepper.

2) wrote procrastinated email while chatting online with julie, sitting on back porch, noticing that it's already cooling off and the trees on the mountains are showing glimmers of reds and golds.  also sent procrastinated email.

3) wrote syllabi and schedules for both sections of the writing classes i'm teaching this fall.  also, lesson plan and handouts for first day of said classes.  ALSO labeled file folders for those classes and put everything in my briefcase.  i'm totally ready for tuesday.

4) yoga.  rad and raucous kirtan singing happening in the adjacent room made the practice kind of special and a little extra fun today.

5) changed profile picture.

6) got salted caramel ice cream cone from neighbor boy's ice cream stand.

7) grocery shopping.  then, my favorite moment of the day: passing a dude on a motorcycle wearing a batman mask and headgear, cape flying behind him.  he looked so good i almost screamed.  also, at smith's i spotted the chihuahua ingrid thinks i need being carried by an adorable young woman.  ingrid said i can have her as long as i buy her matching yoga pants with me and name her "chanel."  i promise i will.

8) unpacked groceries and made nachos.  got into nightgown while ingrid quipped, "i see there's to be nothing in between yoga pants time and nightgown time today."  can't get away with anything around that girl.  about to watch ru paul's drag race, since christian's away camping and all.

mormon comforts

sorry i'm such a spazzy photographer, but here's finnish dish.  she's not pretty, but she's good!

luckily, i had already prepared to cook one of my favorite childhood comfort foods for dinner tonight.

then i saw joanna brooks' book of mormon girl giveaway with a bonus stitchery piece* in the offering to boot.  (the embroidery reads:  "never underestimate a mormon girl."  amen to that.)

synchronicity?

i'm sure the holy ghost prompted me, guided me to purchase the ingredients at the market this morning to make a little thing called finnish dish with the enormous summer-sweet cabbage in my crisper.  pretty sure the h.g. wanted me to get right on the task of winning a copy of the expanded version of book of mormon girl. 

(even if i don't win, this gives me the excuse of going on and on about one of my beloved topics:  home cookery.)

this was a dish i loved as a girl, and rediscovered as the cook for a large family on a budget.  moses told me tonight it was the most delicious dinner he had ever eaten, right after we had a slightly freaky theological discussion, the likes of which only a seven year-old could devise.

isn't the definition of a classic comfort food the thing you liked to eat more than anything in the world when you were seven, starving after a day of running around the neighborhood shirtless, and worrying about if you will miss your mom when you die and go to heaven?

my mom was a better than average cook.  in fact, she was rather well known for her rolls, sweet rolls, and banquet-like sunday dinners.  her food heritage included a grandfather who was once the state beekeeper of utah and an avid gardener, a mother who used herbs and tinctures harvested from the environs, aunts and a grandmother who cooked whole grains and sweetened with honey.  so we had a health food influence to our mormon cuisine. so, no soupy casseroles for us (besides, my dad hated casseroles.)** we were lucky that my mom was mostly into whole foods even before "whole foods" was a phrase in common parlance.

to me, this recipe falls in line with the health food tradition, because, believe it or not, ground beef was not anathema to health food in the '70's.  i've built on the tradition by adding more vegetables (specifically mushrooms) and less beef, and even have a vegetarian adaptation for my two vegetarian children. plus, i like that it follows the commonsensical word of wisdom guideline to "eat meat sparingly".

i've also built on the deliciousness tradition by adding some butter and using my beloved koshihakari sushi rice instead of. . . non-special rice.  you could leave some of the butter out, or eliminate it all together if you're that opposed to pleasure.

finnish dish

i don't know that this dish actually has finnish roots, nor do i know if it is really a mormon dish, but it seems like it is because there are a lot of mormon dishes that retain the name of a national origin long after the dish has morphed into pure americana.  maybe it's finnish because it's like a deconstructed cabbage roll?  i have no idea.  i'm curious if anyone else grew up eating this.

the key to this dish is slicing the vegetables finely and caramelizing everything just bit.  also, we grew up eating it with ketchup.  i now serve it with fresh tomatoes on top instead, because it benefits from a little acidic zing.

1 lb. ground beef
1 medium yellow onion, sliced into thin half-moon circles
1 small head cabbage, sliced as thin as your knife skills allow
1 lb. brown mushrooms, sliced
4 T butter, 2 for mushrooms & 2 for beef and cabbage
S& P to taste

2 c. good short-grained rice (uncooked)
4 c. water
2 T. butter
1 t. salt

*put rice on to cook.  combine water, butter, salt in sauce pan and bring to boil.  after rice comes to a boil, stir, cover, turn heat down to medium low, and cook for 24 minutes.

*meanwhile, heat large skillet to medium high.  begin browning beef.

*meanwhile, in a separate medium skillet, brown sliced mushrooms in 2 T. butter.

*when beef is browned, add sliced onions and butter.

*when onions have softened, add cabbage.

*when vegetables and meat are a little brown and caramelized, add browned mushrooms.

*season to taste with salt and pepper.  make sure you do this well.  your dish doesn't have that many elements, so they all need to be good.

*serve over rice.

here's the vegetarian version for ingrid and lula.  i added snow peas and sweet red pepper, because that's what i had.

* i need to win this for ingrid marie asplund, who loves rozsika parker's the subversive stitch, is the oxymormon columnist (a column she devised) for the bryn mawr college news about mormons and feminism, and who once gave this amazing sermon in church about mormons, vegetarianism and seasonal eating, which was later picked up for publication in the fabulous edible wasatch.

**embarrassingly, i was once asked to bring funeral potatoes to a, um, funeral luncheon, and i made potatoes gratin from scratch, because i really didn't know there was a canned soup version, nor did i know that it was the expected variety for a, um, mormon funeral.  it can take a lifetime to learn all the rules!

blah blah

so not bland

today was kind of bland.  probably because i spent it grading.  no doubt because i spent it grading.

i will do the same thing tomorrow, then have a break.  then everything will be okay, right?

because at this very moment i'm on the brink of an existential melt down.

allow me to take a moment to reflect on the tangible evidence of the real and good in my world.

and to  show you pictures of the most unexistential thing in the world.

tamales.

mi amigos green corn tamales. thanks to my parents and brother david for their hard work keeping a high quality restaurant going and for being so generous with it.

these are from the family restaurants, mi amigos, bought by my parents in 1980 (or '81?) and now run by my brother in mesa and phoenix.

whenever my parents visit utah, they bring a dozen or two green corn tamales, frozen in a bundle, and a quart of the best green chile sauce in the world.  we so look forward to tamale dinner at my parents' condo on each and every visit.

every time, the menu is exactly the same:  tamales with green sauce, my dad's roasted chile salsa, "corn crisps"(a kind of open faced quesadilla on a corn tortilla), black beans garnished with cilantro and diced white onions, and shredded lettuce, tomatoes, and sour cream.

my dad's roasted chile salsa.

it's part mexican, part gringo, and 100% candland family tradition.

don't you love little boxes with presents inside?

so sunday was ingrid's birthday (have i mentioned that?) so my parents hosted a dinner for her.  the light was so beautiful, the table so warm, and lula's lemon curd filled cupcakes so tragically delicious.

anna did the pretty writing.  i added sparkly sprinkles cuz i couldn't leave well enough alone.

sexy close-up of lula's lemon curd cupcakes.

i'm lucky to have a great family and some really fun, strong traditions.  and parents who have worked really hard to create family unity and loyalty.  julie has reminded me on several occasions that i can't take this for granted.

the older i get, the more grateful i am for my family, and the more i realize how unusually blessed i am in this regard.

christian, mom & dad. something about the light was special that evening.

also lucky to have my 90 year-old grandparents around and my wonderful aunt bonnie who is like a second mother to me slash really awesome therapist/girlfriend.

feel the luv.

more details and photos of someone else's family dinner than anyone could possibly care about, but thank you for the indulgence.  i do feel slightly less existential now.

it's time to start talking about julie turley's birthday now, right around the corner.

20 times around the sun

happy birthday, bingy

lots of people love ingrid because:  she's wise, she's courageous, she's funny, she bakes delicious treats, she stands up against oppression, and she wears great outfits.

the fates smiled on me when ingrid came into our home and blessed it with something i can only call magic.

whenever an acquaintance learns that i'm her mother, i hear the same thing,  "you're ingrid's mother?  i love ingrid!"  (i hear the same thing about ingrid's grandma, pat asplund, someone she bears more than a passing resemblance to.)

on her birthday, i want to celebrate some of the specific little magics she bestows on so many of us.  those of you who know her will understand what i'm talking about:

1)  why wear regular clothes when you could wear a sparkly party dress?

2)  why can't humans marry trees?

3)  when is it inappropriate to wear a tiara? never.

4)  why put dots on your "i's" when you could use hearts instead?

5)  why just take a candid shot when you could pose?

6)  why would anyone turn down a speaking engagement?

7)  why would anyone not join every club on campus?

8)   with what outfits should i not wear my doc martens?  none.

9)  why not stay up all night baking?

10)  why not dress like betty page when you're baking, even if you're all by your lonesome?

11)  when should you keep quiet about injustice?  never.

12)  why wear regular hair when you could make a party bun?

13)  why sleep?

14)  when should you not go skinny-dipping?  never.

15)  why not visit your professors' office hours every week?

16)  where should you leave lipstick kiss marks?  everywhere.

17)  who should i invite to my party?  everyone.  ev-REE-one.  i repeat:  include everyone, always.

18)  when should i get bummed out and despairing?  never.

19)  how good do science goggles and vintage maxi dresses look together?

20)  q:  how important are bees?  a:  bees are the foundational creature of the world.  pay attention to the hive, and the world will be okay.

i love my ingy.  happy birthday to my baby chick.

grief bacon & forest loneliness

this ist how i look saying things like "kummerspeck"

& "wald ein samkeit"

hipster burger joint uneeda burger in fremont

 a bunch of last little things from seattle:

1.  uneeda burger:  great fries, poutine, salad with locally grown asparagus and peas, burger topped with fried egg.  yum.

2.  ingrid is more hilarious than i ever knew.  i'm soooooo happy to have her back.  from the back seat of the mini-van, she cracked us up for 16 hours of road trip hell.  she also taught me the words kummerspeck (grief bacon--the weight you gain when you're depressed) and wald ein samkeit (the loneliness you feel in a forest).

i don't know the feeling of that kind of loneliness, not being of the forest but of the desert,  rather. yesterday i did experience the kind of loneliness you feel whilst driving through southern idaho for what feels like many days, though in normative temporal measurements it actually only lasts a few (desolate, barren, existentially harsh) hours.

the german language makes me happy that i can have context-specific loneliness and weight gain.  this makes me want to be more specific about everything.

also, did you realize that ingrid is frequently a top-rated commenter on youtube?  yep.  she is.  and that's a thing.  we worked on how to fit that into a resume line on our long drive home.

how can someone who looks so much like betty page be so wickedly funny?

greg taping scores backstage at the chapel

3.  greg is amazing.  i think i already said that.

i heard that thomas might cut his hair.  crazy.

4. thomas is amazing, too.  i think i already said that, too.  and we really, really missed eliza.  thomas plans to cut his hair and go on an lds mission soon, too, so we'll soon be missing him.

5. also, marni is amazing, but you already knew that.

memorial jam session outside cafe racer on sunday.  greg in hat.

6. the cafe racer tragedy hit close to home.  the fact that creative music is so integrated into the seattle community, and the fact that two of the victims were active bookers and supportive of this music made it especially poignant for us, though we've been gone from seattle for more than ten years now.  this letter kinda says it.

i love their matching eyes and mimi's white headband/red lipstick/striped shirt combo

7. mimi is amazing.  little girl is big now.  so smart and talented.  i heard her play grieg beautifully on friday night, and watched her study her head off.  another brilliant, talented campbell kid.

one more thing:

8. donuts.

artisinal donuts are huge everywhere, and very much so in seattle.  i've spent a lot of time at top pot, which i love for it's tall library, it's hot ovaltine, and it's rad airstream trailer.  downside is that it seems poised for corporatization and branding.  i'm sure that was in the plan all along.

mighty o, the organic vegan donut shop, has bright, unique flavors and are made with real fruit.  i watched marni charm the pants off a german guy in mighty o last week whilst buying 4 dozen donuts for her many young charges.  i thought he was going to ask her to run away with him.  he resisted, barely. 

at golden beetle, we had a little parchment paper cone set in a bourbon glass full of spiced donuts with a cardamom dipping sauce.  the dough had a creamy texture and was pleasingly spiced.  cardomom in dipping sauce almost (or completely?) indetectable.

may i speak freely?

okay, i like donuts as much as the next gal, but really, i mean, it's fried dough.  it's pretty hard to screw up, unless you insist on drenching in gosh awful poorly made glaze or filling it with a chemistry project of a lemon curd or bavarian cream (yeah, i know, too many bakeries are guilty of that).  but seriously.  artisinal donuts?  let's make those at home and let the fancy schmancy people make us something else.

i got a little tired of eating really good food in seattle that i could easily make myself at home.  i love you alice waters, and what you stand for, but i'm ready for a little virtuosity in my restaurants again.

9.  thanks for listening to my miniature food editorial.

10.  and p.s. if you've never made donuts at home, you should try it some time.

legwear:  yoga pants for unpacking and doing laundry post-trip.

inspiration:  miss ingrid & her german accent--also being home again and back in my routine

looking forward: to watching this week's dvr'd mad men right after i finish posting.

sheroes: special guest carol lynn pearson

You and I, child, /Have just begun

When we learned that former guest blogger Ingrid Asplund was doing a piece on Carol Lynn Pearson, we asked if she would interview Pearson for GITP. Here's what Ingrid got for us:

"Also Important is I Never Keep my Mouth Shut"--CLP

I write for and am an editor of my school’s feminist newspaper, the college news. My column, Oxy-Mormon discusses issues of Mormonism and feminism. I compiled a list of my Mormon sheroes for this column, and Carol Lynn Pearson was one of the first people I thought of, as she has long been an inspiration to me. 

Carol Lynn Pearson is a playwright, poet, author, and philosopher who has contributed a great deal as an advocate for LGBT issues and women’s authority in the Mormon Church. Her best known works include Goodbye, I Love You, which tells her story of taking care of her gay ex-husband as he died of AIDS, Beginnings, a best-selling book of her poetry. She was also the librettist for My Turn on Earth, a musical about Mormonism, and wrote Circling the Wagons: No More Goodbyes. 

What I admire about Carol Lynn Pearson is her courage in speaking out about controversial issues within Mormonism as well as her recognition that her unusual beliefs make her as a valuable member of the Mormon community. In her words, “I have a unique opportunity to build bridges.” I was lucky to be able to interview her on the phone today and ask her a few questions, as well as our four GITP queries.

IA: When did you first find yourself at an intersection of Mormonism and feminism? Was there one “aha” moment? What was that like?

CLP: I was a high school sophomore at BY High school, and my seminary teacher, who was a very good man, gave a lesson where he said that we have many Heavenly Mothers because polygamy is a true and eternal principal and that as we became more righteous, we would understand polygamy better. I remember walking home, and thinking there was just something wrong with that and that there was no way my seminary teacher was right. It never occurred to me that I was the one who was wrong, I think that too often women think that if they disagree with something the church does, it’s their problem and that they need to always defer to priesthood authority.

IA: Do you ever feel discouraged with how things are going? How do you deal with that?

CLP: *laughs* I often feel discouraged, outraged, and many other negative feelings that the church hasn’t joined the greatest movement we’ve ever had for women, which of course is feminism. However, I am not discouraged about the entire world or about Godliness because I know that humanity always moves forward. When I feel discouraged, I get in my spiritual helicopter and I look at the big picture of history—we may have our bumps and we may slide back occasionally, but the human condition always moves forward.

I’ve been focusing more on LGBT issues within the church recently. There has been big traction nationally with LGBT issues so the church has been focusing on that as well. Because there hasn’t been as much talk of women’s issues nationally in recent times, the church hasn’t been addressing it much. I have been focusing on gay rights recently because I haven’t seen any Mormon feminists commit suicide, unlike gay youth.

I am able to balance it all especially because I’m a Libra, so I go through the world with both hands out and am able to remember that on the one hand, we have a serious need to reframe our concept of a creator to encompass our Heavenly Mother, but on the other hand, I love the Mormon community and I see a lot of room for support and leadership for women.

Also important is that I never keep my mouth shut. I change pronouns when I sing hymns to sing about the faith of our mothers, and I am always willing to stand up during Relief Society and remind everyone that we come from a Heavenly Mother and a Heavenly Father. Just the other day I emailed my Stake President—it may surprise you to hear this, but I am on excellent terms with my ward and stake—and I closed the email by reminding him that “God moves in mysterious ways, Her wonders to perform.” 

I also try to remember that Salt Lake City is not the hub of the universe. It is one place in God’s great vineyard, and it has many wonderful answers but it does not have all the answers.

IA: Do you have any particular habits for nurturing your spirituality/activism/artistic practice?

CLP: I try to read nourishing and expansive books… not usually Deseret books! I’m also plugged into many spiritual arenas, lots of spiritually oriented mailing lists. I have my women’s group that has met once a month for about twenty-five years. It’s a very intimate group of about six women, we started out aiming to make change in the church but now I’m the only one of them who still goes to church and I go to church on my own terms, not as I did thirty or forty years ago. In my own personal meditations and prayers I think of God in terms of a Heavenly Father and a Heavenly Mother. I think that might be a limited way of picturing it—if we even can picture something like that—but I try to remember that God is so much larger than what we talk about. Because God is love, wherever I find love, I find God—this can be in heterosexual relationships, homosexual relationships, in Islam, Protestantism, Mormonism… Mormons do remarkable things, regardless of all the crap they do.

IA: What are your feelings on the future?

CLP: I see women’s situations and women’s rights issues as improving worldwide. The Dalai Lama said that it is women who will save the world, and I absolutely believe that. As long as we don’t destroy the planet (and if we do destroy the planet, we’ll find an alternative space to continue the human condition on) we will continue to do our strange dance of forming relationships between men and women. Women should continue offering their strong feminine energy to change and improve power structures inside and outside of the church rather than merely trying to participate in existing power structures that are oppressive. Of course I’m sad that the church seems to be on the last wagon of feminism and gay rights issues, but I’m ok with it because I know we’ll figure it out eventually.

Are you in a tight place?

Yes I am, or I wouldn’t be human! I try to keep a general position of affirmation and confidence to deal with that.

What do you want to get done this year?

I am working on what I call my “Preparing for Death” project. I’m getting my archives in order so that I can feel at peace with all of my boxes and files organized. I also have some goals for my personal relationships and such.

What inspires you?

Anything heroic inspires me! Right now I am watching To Kill a Mockingbird on Netflix, it is very inspiring to see characters doing what is right and letting the consequences follow. I am inspired by the beautiful coincidences that seem to pop up every day, I even wrote a book about that. I am inspired when I walk up into the hills to go for a run, and I am inspired by nature being ongoing and beautiful. I am inspired by the people in my life and I’m also inspired by my own creative work! Sometimes I think to myself, “Dang! I am so lucky that I get to do this!”

What is your favorite legwear?

Old jeans.