when i die

i don't want to have regrets, though it seems like that's part of the process of dying.

i spent the day ruminating on whether or not i am spending my life in the right way. normally i'm pretty much an existentialist, and i try to accept that it's up to me to make my choices into meaningful ones.

but sometimes i get obsessed about the "right way."

today i was haunted.

tomorrow is a new day, and i look forward to it,

& to living so je ne regret pas.

one thing i don't regret was a QUADRUPLE recipe of Artisinal's fantastic macaroni and cheese for the big girls' "return to college" farewell dinner party. i baked it in an enormous cast iron pan--it probably weighed 30 pounds--and warning: the gruyere and marscapone and parmesean costs a million dollars.

legwear: i wore my nightgown all day. showered and changed just in time for dinner. it was a tough day, but a great night.