|the shrine at the hell's backbone grill gardens in boulder, utah|
i'm feeling that familiar anxiety, the existential anxiety of freedom, that i've experienced every summer for as far back as my memory extends.
the hours a week where i have to be somewhere to do my job are drastically reduced, but the number of projects and work i want/need to do are mounting. i really miss having to be at work. i'm a weirdo.
this is a nice problem to have, i know, and i don't want to sound ungrateful for the luxury of this kind of life. i probably do anyway.
one thing i've loved about daily blogging this year is the little bit of structure it puts into my day, and even if it's not clear why i'm doing this, or for whom, i still do it anyway.
so, thank you world, readers, technology, & julie for the opportunity.
the lessons i'm trying to learn/re-learn come from yoga (sorry i'm such a yoga nerd), and this blogging project in particular seems to reinforce some of the teachings:
1) gaze at the tip of your nose. my yoga teacher says this. i think it means to stay present and focus on your own actions and no one else's. (is this the same as "stay on your mat?") this is probably most important for me. i tend to think too far ahead, get tripped up by fears of the future and regrets of the past, and to compare myself to others too frequently. beginning to work through this has been a profound experience for me.
2) practice, practice, practice. for as long as you live. every day is different, every day is practice, and arriving at a static point means you're dead.
3) falling is learning. for me this is a strong lesson because i used to think that falling was failing, and now i think it's progress, a step towards overcoming fear, a move towards the embrace of risk. in poetry writing, i feel like my best work happens when, at the moment of writing, i think i'm doing something totally stupid, weird, or wrong, but i do it anyway, even if i'm scared. my best work comes from not rejecting scary practices.
legwear: bare, with the striped dress i wear too much. at least i didn't wear yoga pants all day again today.
inspiration: yoga teachings and daily blogging, whether i'm in the mood to blog or not
looking forward: to the provo farmer's market on saturday, my first one of the season & eating street tacos, tortillas hecho a mano.