Wednesday, March 21, 2012

ego work assessment

a student's awesome outfit/every day dressing/i LUV red shoes

following julie's example, i went back to january's initial posts to get a handle on where i am in working on the stuff i set out to do at the year's start.  the first thing that struck me was this:  julie's street fashion photos rock!  if you haven't read the whole blog, scroll through the photos and you'll be really inspired to get your game on in your daily dressing.  (i happen to think every day dressing is important and can make your life a lot more beautiful, no matter what your circumstance.)

the second thing was this:  i've written a lot about ego, and that seems to be the emerging theme of this year.  how much do i do things in order to fufill certain egoistic expectations and how much do i do things because they're good and true?  i set out to make this year about the latter thing.  not so sure which is dominating in the battle between a life that is lived for the wrong reasons and an authentically lived life.  i'm on day two of my fast, and it feels great.  i started it for twin reasons, one of them egoistic and one of them in an attempt to be a better, kinder, more humble person, more in tune with the beauty and goodness in the world.  both reasons are still there, coexisting fairly well, i must say.

i wonder how often other people think about the situation in which we humans find ourselves, trying to sort through seeming contradictions between motivation and action--how one can be bad and one can be good, both at the same time.

but here's what i set down in january:

1) something meaningful to write about everyday:  this has actually come to pass.  writing something every day has made the day more meaningful.  julie and i have both managed to post something every single day of 2012 so far.

2) every day beauty: the blog has been a sort of gratitude journal, and it's helped me realize, like ayun halliday said in her guest post on monday, that i have nothing at all to complain about.  it's made me more observant of, say,
the awesome outfits my students wear every day,
the daffodils under my window surrounded by snow,
the AMAZING mountains my home snuggles up against,
the fleetingly beautiful holes in my seven-year old's smile,
& the more than bountiful circumstances i was born to.

those are the important items from my list.  i feel good about that, and inspired to keep consciously working, at least until the summer equinox!

legwear:  sweats.  but i'm about to change into argyle knee socks.

looking forward: to folded laundry, graded midterms

inspiration:  gratitude enhanced by hunger

p.s. i'm reading rebecca lindenberg's column this week on mormon-belt food.  loved her post on funeral potatoes and community.  that tension again between belonging and outsiderness that may or may not be adequately smoothed over by the balm of creamy condensed soups.  i happen to live in the heart of the heart of zion, and this tension exists every day, many times a day.

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